Everything that’s in your life right now is as a result of your thinking. In the moment right now, you’re creating your future, influenced by the thoughts you have, the feelings that result and the action (or inaction) that comes from those feelings.

Your children, your pets, your partner, your job, your clothes etc are all in your life because you made a decision on some level to invite them in.

Successes you’ve achieved are thanks to the thoughts you’ve had which have led to you taking specific actions.

The things you don’t have that you want are also missing because of the way you think.

Recurring patterns in your life are there thanks to the beliefs you hold.

We have around 60,000 thoughts a day. 80 % of which are negative and 95% of which are repetitive. If you’re simply repeating the same thoughts, you’ll take the same action and you’ll see more of the same showing up.

Let’s say you started your day at work feeling fine, then as you make a coffee you’re talking to a colleague at work who’s going through a divorce and she starts to tell you how difficult her husband is being about the terms of the divorce, you sympathise with her and as you’re walking back to your desk you start to recall how appalling your divorce was. Even though it was a decade ago, you start to remember the fighting, the unfairness and the misery and before you know it you’re feeling angry, irritated and riled up. The phone rings and you bark at the person on the other end like they’ve stepped on your last nerve. For the remainder of the day you feel fed up and have no idea why. Because you’re fed up you don’t get much done because all you can think about is what a bastard your ex was blah blah. Then you get behind on your work which causes you to feel overwhelmed and you have to spend the weekend catching up and then you feel resentful and so the thought machine feeds your life.

Unless you change what’s going on internally, what’s happening externally won’t change either.

On the flip side of the office scenario above, if you’re able to maintain a regular state of calm by managing what’s happening in your body and your brain, staying focused on what’s working right now and coming at life from a space of calm responsiveness rather than reactivity you’ll have a far better experience day to day.

Easier said than done right?

Here are a few ways you can start to get a handle on your inner world:

Pay attention to how you feel throughout the day. If you were feeling great and then all of a sudden you feel raging anger for no reason, what was the thought process that came first? What set it off? You’ll never get rid of situations that are triggering, that’s life, however if you can recognise when you’ve been triggered before the negative thoughts take over, you can stop the thought train from leaving the station at high speed with you on board.

Manage your stress. The more stressed and on edge you are, the faster you’ll be tipped over the threshold of reactivity by your thoughts. I love to start my day with meditation and the HeartMath techniques I teach my clients are superb for calming a frazzled nervous system and the subsequent unhelpful thoughts it can produce.

What you eat, how much you sleep and medication and supplements you take can also influence the quality of your thoughts. Be mindful of how you feel after you eat. The end of a sugar spike can cause irritability, some medications increase anxiety and some supplements like 5-HTP, Ashwagandha and (if you’re open to it) psilocybin microdoses can help boost a positive mood.

Notice your thoughts. Stop every so often and pay attention to what you’re thinking. Is what’s trotting through your mind right now helpful, if not, can you switch your attention to something that is. It’s talked about a lot, but if you’re in a foul mood and sliding down a nasty thought spiral, stopping to list out 10 things you’re grateful for in the moment will instantly shift your mood. You won’t want to do it, but I dare you to try it.

The more you think about something the more well worn its neural pathway becomes, that’s why it takes inner work to shift old, ingrained patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. Unhelpful thoughts become habits and like all habits, they can be broken, you just have to persist.

Lastly, If you find yourself ruminating on the same thing day after day, there’s likely a deeper belief under the thought that’s driving the loop. If you get curious, can you find it?

Maybe you’re a worrier.

We often use worry as a means of trying to control our lives, working under the false assumption that if you worry about something you can stop it from happening. You can’t, all that worry does is stop you from being present and enjoying life.

Can you spend some time figuring out why you worry? What purpose does it serve? Does it make you feel safe if you think you’ve figured out all the possible solutions to all the possible things that could go wrong? Often, underneath constant worry, there’s a belief that the world isn’t a safe place and the worry is a means of pre-empting catastrophe.

The belief is where the work is. Where did it come from? Is it even true? Thought work is one aspect of the work I do with my coaching clients and it’s incredibly powerful. Our thoughts are what keep us stuck; if you can work with them and understand them you can change them and in the process change your life.

If what I’ve shares here has resonated and you’d like to dive a bit deeper into thought work, I have a free worksheet that’ll help you locate your unhelpful beliefs and shift your thoughts into a far better zone. Simply DM me the word ‘thought’ on Instagram @emmaobriencoach and I’ll send it to you.

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