9 Habits That Are Killing Your Self-Confidence 

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Creative success coach, Photographer, rescue dog mom, book worm, INFJ, Enneagram 3, doing my best to be mindful, kind & help people be their most authentic, purposeful selves.


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Self-confidence can make or break your life. It’s what’s needed if you want to go after your dream job, start your own business or begin or end a relationship. Without self-confidence, your life will stagnate and the longer you’re stuck in a stagnant rut, the harder it is to get going again. 

Thankfully, self-confidence is like a muscle; flex it often enough and it’ll get strong enough to carry you into the life I know you really want to create.

Your habits have contributed to the life your currently living, if you want something more, but you’re not feeling confident enough to go after it, I suggest checking this list and pulling up the handbrake on any of the following confidence killers that resonate: 

1. Comparing Yourself to Others

Getting stuck in a comparison trap is a slap in the face to your self-confidence. Whether you’re comparing yourself to someone on Instagram or someone you know well, you’ll likely wander down the path of negative self-talk or vicious judgement. Both are a massive waste of energy and guaranteed to keep you firmly rooted in negative rumination which will keep you stuck.

2. Spending Time with Toxic People

Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you’re surrounded by negative people, the chances are you’re also a negative person (sorry) and negativity is a confidence vampire.

3. Procrastinating

Confident people do hard things because they trust in their innate ability to cope even when they find themselves in unknown territory. Procrastination is often fueled by fear, and if you allow that fear to take the lead you’ll never get started and your self-confidence will plummet into oblivion.

4. Having Loose Boundaries

Without clear boundaries, your life will be directed by other people. You’ll feel out of control and possibly overwhelmed if you’re forever doing what’s asked of you even when you don’t want to. Boundaries protect your time, your self-respect and your schedule, not having them is a one-way ticket to burnout.

5. Seeking External Validation

Seeking external validation will have you riding the self-confidence roller coaster on a daily basis. If you’re relying on Instagram likes and praise from other people to feel good about yourself, you’ll come off as needy and you’ll ricochet from feeling amazing to feeling like the world’s biggest loser. 

6. Blaming Others for Your Problems

When you learn to take ownership of the part you play in creating your life, it will change so drastically you won’t recognise yourself. But, if you’ve cast yourself in the role of ‘victim’ and you’re waiting for everyone else to change so you can feel better, you’ve set yourself up for an interval that’ll never end.

7. Perfectionism

There will never be a perfect time, and you’ll never have all the answers. If you’re waiting until you think you’re perfect or for the stars to align, your progress will be non-existent. Imperfect action is far better than no action at all. The beautiful thing about action is that the very act of doing something is a confidence building activity in and of itself. Just start.

8. Negative Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is probably the biggest confidence shatterer there is. If you’re continually reminding yourself of your faults, flaws, mistakes and worries, you’ll not only talk yourself out of attempting anything new, you’ll mentally exhaust yourself so you can’t do anything not-new either. The power to improve or destroy your life lies between your ears.

9. Letting Your Emotions Run the Show

People who operate moment to moment at the mercy of their emotions are terrifying to be around, or exhilarating I suppose if you like the thrill of never knowing what’s coming next. When you’re operating from a mental space of reactivity and getting triggered by the tiniest of inconveniences it’s a sign you’re stuck in a stress response. A stressed brain cannot think clearly or make good decisions; two of the faculties that are a requirement if you want to show up as your most confident self.

Any and all of these habits flipped on its head will boost your self-confidence.

Feeling good about yourself, showing up without knowing all the answers but showing up anyway and being in control of your thoughts and how you respond are all essential personal habits that will empower you to live your best life and go after the things you want.

Self-confidence is a HUGE part of the self-development work I support my clients to do. If this article reads like a “habits I know I have but wish I didn’t” checklist, I’m here to help you get your ish back together.

Simply book a FREE strategy call with me here and let’s chat about what’s going on and what needs to change to get you off the self-confidence rollercoaster and back on a level track.

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Your confidence boosting strategy coach.

I'm a coach, creative, mentor & photographer with over 18 years of experience as a successful entrepreneur.

My superpowers are intuition & strategy; a powerful combo that's a bit like rocket fuel for creating the life & business you really want.

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