Most of us have heard of the fight, flight, or freeze stress responses. But there’s a fourth one that doesn’t get as much airtime — the fawn response. This is where people-pleasing, over-apologising, and smoothing things over at your own expense aren’t just “bad habits” but learned survival mechanisms.

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying yes when you wanted to say no, apologising for something that wasn’t your fault, or staying quiet to avoid rocking the boat, you may have been in a fawn response.

What Is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response is an automatic nervous system survival strategy. Where fight pushes back, flight runs, and freeze shuts down, fawn chooses appeasement: If I keep everyone else happy, I’ll be safe.

This often develops in childhood, especially in environments where love, safety, or approval were conditional. Over time, people-pleasing becomes a nervous system pattern, not just a personality trait.

Signs You’re in a Fawn Response

• Saying “yes” when you want to say “no.”
• Over-explaining or apologising excessively.
• Always prioritising others’ needs before your own.
• Avoiding conflict at all costs.
• Feeling anxious or guilty when setting a boundary.
• Scanning for others’ moods and losing touch with your own.

The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing

While fawning might keep the peace in the moment, the long-term effects can be draining:

• Resentment and emotional burnout.
• Chronic stress and dysregulation of your nervous system.
• Struggles with boundaries in personal and professional relationships.
• Loss of identity and disconnection from your true needs.
• Greater risk of being pulled into unhealthy dynamics.

How to Break Free from the Fawn Response

Thankfully you can retrain your nervous system to stop fawning and build healthier patterns. Try these practical steps:

1. Pause Before Saying Yes
   Instead of defaulting to yes, say: “Let me think about it.” This gives you space to decide from choice, not fear.
2. Notice Your Body’s Signals
   Tight chest, shallow breathing, or knots in your stomach are signs that you’re overriding your own truth.
3. Start with Small Boundaries
   Practice by making low-stakes choices, like where to eat, or saying you can’t take a call right now.
4. Shift Your View of Conflict
   Conflict isn’t danger — it can be clarity. Boundaries create authentic connection, not rejection.
5. Reconnect with Your Needs
   Journal daily: What do I need right now? What do I want? This helps re-centre your identity.
6. Regulate Your Nervous System
   Breathwork, grounding, and HeartMath practises calm the stress response so you can set boundaries with confidence.

From Fawning to Freedom

Healing the fawn response doesn’t mean you stop caring about others. It means you start valuing yourself equally. People-pleasing might have been your survival strategy — but it doesn’t have to define your future.

✨ If you recognise yourself in this post and want support breaking free from people-pleasing and learning how to regulate your nervous system, my 6-Week Nervous System Reset Programme is designed to help. Together we’ll build resilience, reclaim your boundaries, and create healthier, calmer ways of showing up in your relationships and life.

Please book a free connection call HERE to find out more about working with me 1:1.