Unlike self-judgement which will lead you on a road to nowhere, self-awareness is the Yellow Brick Road to your own personal Emerald City.

Self-awareness is, I believe, a collective term for a gamut of skills including: the ability to see yourself clearly, as you are in any given moment, and to reflect on and understand your emotions, motivations and the impact you have on other people, without any form of judgement, bias or internal opinion.

If feeling stuck, overwhelmed or lacking in the self-confidence department are life challenges you’re currently navigating; flexing and building your self-awareness muscles using the tools I’m going to share will be a game changer for you.

Self-awareness and self-judgement are two sides of the same coin and whilst the differences can seem subtle, the effects they each have on your life are as different as night and day.

Pull up a chair and allow me to take you on a magical mystery tour of the non-identical self-perception twins and how they might influence the major areas of your life.

1. Who you Are

The ability to objectively observe the different facets of yourself: your thoughts, emotions and behaviours without attachment is a superpower. Understanding and being cognisant of your strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, motivations and how you interact with the world minus any sort of internal running commentary is the ultimate definition of self-awareness. 

Self-judgement on the other hand is an often cruel act of evaluating yourself in a critical manner and attaching a value judgement to all your thoughts, emotions or actions such as “good”, “bad”, “stupid”, “better than” or comparing yourself to someone else. Self-judgement comes with baggage and will likely be loaded with heavy, negative emotions that only serve to make you feel bad about yourself.

2. How you Think

A growth mindset is a helpful mindset. It says ‘I may not have all the answers right now, but I sure can figure them out’. Curiosity, openness, compassionate self-reflection and non-judgemental observation are characteristic of a self-aware mindset. When your focus is on understanding and learning from your experiences regardless of the outcome so you can make different or better choices next time around, you’re on the right track.

Au contraire, self-judgement typically fosters a fixed mindset. Recurring thoughts of self-criticism and self-condemnation will create feelings of shame or inadequacy which only perpetuate downward spirals of negative thinking that’ll keep you firmly stuck. When your focus tends towards what’s wrong with you rather than what you can learn from a past experience in order to improve, you’re on a hiding to nothing.

3. How you Feel

Awareness of your emotions, which might be as simple as being able to notice and name them as they arrive, empowers you to regulate and process them. Being able to recognise emotions, but not let them overwhelm you and dictate your behaviour is the first step towards building emotional resilience. Resilience in the face of challenging emotional situations creates self-trust, self-confidence, reduces stress and will vastly improve your overall well-being.

In contrast, when you’re living at the mercy of negative emotions such as guilt, shame or anxiety running rough-shod all over your life, your ability to remain objective and calm in the face of stressful situations is going to be slim to none and your self-esteem will be in the toilet. Teetering on the brink of a thermonuclear reaction if you get one more request from a co-worker because you’ve lost the ability to regulate your emotions is not only stressful, it’s likely to get you fired. Imagine how your inner judge is going to get off on that clustercuss.

4. What you Do

When you’re aware of your behaviour, you can be mindful of it. The power to think before you act is an invaluable gift you can give not only yourself, but the folks around you. When you’re able to make conscious choices about your behaviour that align with your values and goals, life becomes less about reacting to the things that happen to you and more about responding with the long-term consequences in mind.

Have you ever snapped at someone and said something you really shouldn’t have? Do you still feel guilty about it? Self-judgement when you behave in a way that’s not in alignment with your core values can lead to avoidant behaviour in the future. When you judge yourself harshly for behaving in a certain way in the past, this might result in giving situations that challenge you a wide berth in the future – perhaps you avoid voicing your feelings in intimate relationships because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, so you settle for not getting your needs met. 

Conversely an overactive self-judge might have you overcompensating to prove yourself or striving for unrealistic perfection both of which, left unchecked, will lead to burnout or nervous exhaustion. I believe that workaholism stems from feelings of deep inadequacy and as a reformed workaholic, I know just how dangerous overcompensating to quiet your inner judge can be.

5. How you Grow

Self-awareness supports positive change both in your personal and professional life. Being able to  observe yourself and recognise areas of your life or skill set that you’d like to improve upon, without judgement, means you’re more likely to take constructive action towards growth. You might even feel courageous enough to ask for feedback from other people to assist you on your growth journey.

Excessive self-judgement on the other hand often paralyses your progress by shifting and narrowing your focus to your perceived failures rather than opening your awareness to the opportunities for learning that ‘failures’ create. When you focus solely on what you think is ‘wrong’ with you, it’s nigh on impossible to take constructive action.

6. How you Interact

If you want improved relationships in your life that meet your needs and fulfil you, self-awareness is your greatest ally. Awareness of your own emotions, reactions and behaviours, especially when you’re under stress, allows you to understand and empathise with others more deeply and extend compassion rather than criticism. Empathy nurtures mutual respect and care – I think we can all benefit from more of both.

Counter this with self-judgement and you’ll be projecting your stuff all over everyone else and straining your relationships. When you judge yourself harshly, it may translate into judging others with the same critical or cynical lens and damaging your personal and professional connections beyond repair.

7. How your Life Unfolds in the Long Run 

Confidence and self-acceptance are wonderful by-products of a consistent self-awareness practice. Approaching your day-to-day life with greater clarity, compassion and purpose will not only improve your quality of life, it will also enhance the lives of the people around you. 

Left unchecked, self-judgement will erode your self-confidence and lead to chronic life dissatisfaction and a negativity bias that saps the joy out of your experiences and interactions. Operating from a constantly negative viewpoint creates and perpetuates negative self-talk which in turn makes it very difficult to achieve anything. Depression is the destination when you ride the self-judgement train for long enough.

Cultivating self-awareness is a journey of reconnecting to yourself, observing yourself and refining your behaviour. My go-to tools for this are self-reflection and mindfulness:

Regular self-reflection:

Instead of moving through life on autopilot, reacting to situations and circumstances without truly understanding why, getting into the habit of regularly pausing and reflecting on what’s going on in your inner world; your thoughts, emotions and reactions will help you understand yourself really well.

Journaling is my go to for this.

Reflect on a situation that’s got some charge for you ask yourself the following questions and jot the answers down:

• What emotions am I feeling right now?
• What thoughts are driving these emotions?
• How do these thoughts and feelings influence my behaviour?

The more regularly you reflect on your internal landscape, the more aware you’ll become of your thought patterns, what triggers you and why. When you bring your inner stuff into conscious awareness you empower yourself with the ability to make different decisions going forwards. This might mean keeping quiet when you want to make a snarky quip during an argument with your spouse that will only escalate a heated discussion, or calmly sharing how you feel rather than being passive in a situation that needs you to speak up so it can be resolved.

Practice mindfulness:

Mindfulness is the art of being in the present moment without judging what’s happening. It’s a powerful tool for self-awareness because it allows you to observe yourself and your inner world without getting caught up in a self-judgemental commentary about it.

Bring mindfulness into your daily routine by:

• Taking a moment to pause and simply observe what’s going on in your mind and body. How are you feeling? What thoughts are you having? Do you feel any sensations in your body? 
• Observing any emotions that you’re feeling without trying to change or suppress them.
• Bringing your attention to the present moment when you’re doing everyday activities such as eating, brushing your teeth, walking or washing dishes.

The more mindful you are of your inner world, the greater your understanding of emotions and thoughts will be. When you’re attuned to your thoughts and feelings, you have the power to choose how you allow them to direct your behaviour in response.

In a nutshell, self-awareness puts you back into the driving seat of your life and allows you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviour so your life unfolds consciously rather than simply being something that happens to you.

Ready to dive deeper into this work? Book a complimentary call with me here and let’s chat about your journey to self-awareness.