We’ve all experienced it: that constant stream of thoughts running through our minds. Sometimes it’s an ass-kicking pep talk and sometimes it’s a ruthless critic. This ceaseless internal dialogue holds tremendous power over our lives. It shapes our perceptions, influences our emotions and ultimately molds our reality, often with far greater influence than we realise.

The power of self-talk

We have 60,000 thoughts a day. 80% of which are negative and 95% of which are repetitive. That’s a helluva lot of inner chatter running rampant all over our minds and impacting our emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. Here are a few ways we’re influenced by the conversations we have with ourselves:

Positive self-talk:

• Boosts confidence: encouraging and affirming thoughts reinforce our belief in our abilities, especially when life feels tough.
• Improves performance: athletes and top performers often use positive self-talk to enhance their performance and focus.
• Rescue stress: optimistic and objective thoughts can help us cope better with stress and adversity.

On the flip side, negative self-talk:

• Erodes self-esteem: relentless self-criticism leads to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth
• Increases anxiety: pessimistic thoughts fuel the fire of anxiety and worry.
• Hinder progress: negative thinking creates mental barriers that prevent us from pursuing our goals.

How self-talk shapes your reality:

If, like many people, your inner narrative has been negative for most of your life, changing it requires effort, practice and self-compassion. Here are a few strategies that will help you:

1. Awareness

The first step to changing anything in your life is awareness. Start paying attention to the thoughts that run through your mind and identify the patterns of negativity. Perhaps your inner chatter ramps up to maximum vitriol when you’re attempting something new. Simply observe it. You might want to journal to track your thoughts and keep tabs on your progress.

2. Challenge your negative thoughts

When you catch your negative thoughts, a great question to ask is, “is this true?”. Consider whether your negative thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Look for evidence that contradicts the negative thought and consider alternative perspectives.

3. Reframe your thoughts

Replace negative thoughts with positive, constructive ones. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try saying, “I might not be able to do this perfectly now, however I can learn and improve with practice.” Reframing helps shift your mindset from a fixed, negative perspective to a growth-oriented, positive one.

4. Practice self-compassion

Treat yourself  with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. If you’ve got harsh and unkind thoughts on repeat that you’d never dream of saying to someone else, it’s time to stop saying them to yourself. 

5. Use affirmations 

Select your most pernicious negative thought, list out 5 examples of how it’s total BS and create an affirmation that spins it to the positive. Let’s take, for example, a looping thought of “I always say the wrong thing.” Make a list of all the occasions when you’ve said exactly the right thing; when you’ve comforted a friend and they’ve felt better, you’ve shared an idea at work that was implemented or given someone a suggestion that’s helped them. Then create a positive statement with this evidence in mind e.g. “I know exactly what to say to add value.”

You get to choose your inner narrative. When you become aware of the ways in which your self-talk is keeping you stuck or perpetuating your anxiety or unhappiness, half the battle is won. Elevating your experience of life and stepping up for yourself is a choice. Feeling better and taking action towards your goals starts in your mind.

If a negative internal dialogue is something you struggle with, you’ll likely benefit from some coaching. Examining, dismantling and then re-framing unhelpful thoughts is a fast and powerful way to shift your mindset. Get in touch with me here to find out more about 1:1 coaching that will help you shift your thinking and your results.