(And How to Stop Doing It)

Self-abandonment isn’t always a dramatic affair, it often creeps in quietly and becomes a habit you don’t even realise you’ve got.

You’re not blowing up your life.
You’re not making reckless decisions.
From the outside… everything looks fine.

But internally? You’re constantly overriding yourself.

Second-guessing.
Holding back.
Staying quiet when something in you is clearly saying this doesn’t sit right

And the longer it goes on, the harder it becomes to hear yourself at all.

Here are 10 ways it might be happening

1. You Know What You Feel… But You Don’t Act On It

You’re not confused.

You know when something feels off.
You know when something isn’t aligned.

But instead of acting on it, you:

• talk yourself out of it
• minimise it
• wait for more “clarity”

At some point, “waiting for clarity” becomes avoiding discomfort.

2. You Say “It’s Fine” When It’s Not

This one is subtle and constant.

Something bothers you.
You feel it immediately.

And then you override it with:

“It’s not a big deal.”
“I’m probably overreacting.”
“It’s fine.”

But it’s not fine, and your nervous system knows it.

3. You Overthink Simple Decisions

What should be straightforward becomes a full internal debate.

You:

• analyse every option
• imagine every possible outcome
• ask multiple people what they think

Not because the decision is hard…but because you don’t fully trust yourself to choose.

4. You Prioritise Keeping the Peace Over Telling the Truth

You don’t say what you actually think or feel because:

• it might upset someone
• it might create tension
• it might change the dynamic

So you stay agreeable.

But underneath? There’s resentment building.

5. You Keep Yourself Busy So You Don’t Have to Feel

You fill your time with:

• work
• scrolling
• helping other people
• “productive” tasks

Because slowing down would mean sitting with what’s actually going on and that feels uncomfortable.

6. You Look Outside Yourself for Answers You Already Have

You:

• Google everything
• listen to every podcast
• ask everyone’s opinion

Meanwhile, there’s a quieter voice in you that already knows.

But it’s been ignored for so long… it doesn’t feel reliable anymore.

7. You Stay in Situations Longer Than You Know You Should

Jobs. Relationships. Dynamics.

There’s a point where you know something has run its course.

But you stay because:

• it’s easier
• it’s familiar
• leaving would require change

So you tolerate it.

Until your tolerance runs out.

8. You Dismiss Your Own Needs

You know you’re tired.
You know you need space.
You know you need support.

And yet…

You keep going.
You push through.
You tell yourself you’ll deal with it later.

Later rarely comes.

9. You Feel Disconnected From Yourself

You can function.
You can show up.
You can do what needs to be done.

But there’s a sense of:

• numbness
• flatness
• “something’s missing”

That’s what happens when you’ve been overriding yourself for a long time.

10. You Don’t Trust Yourself Anymore

This is the end result of all of the above.

You hesitate.
You doubt your instincts.
You question your decisions after you’ve made them.

Not because you’re incapable.

But because you’ve trained yourself not to listen to your intuitive wisdom.

So What’s Actually Happening?

Self-abandonment isn’t a personality flaw.

It’s a pattern.

Usually learned early:

• keeping the peace felt safer than telling the truth
• being “easy” got you approval
• tuning into others mattered more than tuning into yourself

So you adapted.

The problem is… you never updated the pattern.

How You Start Coming Back to Yourself

This isn’t about becoming a completely different person overnight.

It’s much simpler than that.

You start interrupting the pattern.

In small, deliberate ways:

• telling the truth in low-stakes moments
• honouring what you feel instead of explaining it away
• making decisions without outsourcing them
• noticing when you override yourself… and choosing differently

This is where real change happens.

Not in insight.

In action.

If You’re Ready to Stop Abandoning Yourself

This is exactly the work I do with my clients.

We don’t just talk about what’s happening.
We identify the patterns underneath it… and shift them.

So you can:

• trust yourself again
• make decisions without spiralling
• stop over-functioning and start living with intention

If that’s where you are right now, you can start here:

👉 Book a discovery call HERE
👉 Or explore a 1:1 shamanic soul reset session HERE

Because insight is helpful.

But shifting the pattern? That’s what actually changes your life.