There’s a moment that often arrives quietly in midlife.

You wake up one morning and think: Is this it?
Is this really how I want the rest of my life to look?

If you’re over 40, there’s a good chance you’ll recognise that feeling. It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s just a low-level sense of restlessness. Sometimes it’s frustration, exhaustion, or a vague grief you can’t quite put your finger on. And very often, it comes with a feeling of being… lost.

I know this place well. I’m in it myself. And it’s something I see again and again in the women I work with.

When the Life You Built No Longer Fits

Midlife has a way of making us question the choices that brought us here.

For many women — especially those who have spent years raising children, supporting partners, holding families together — there comes a point where they realise they’ve lost themselves entirely. Their focus has been outward for so long that there’s very little left that feels like them.

And when that realisation lands, anger often follows.

Anger that no one seems to see you anymore.
Anger that your needs were always last.
Anger that society praises women for nurturing everyone else, but labels them selfish the moment they prioritise themselves.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that being a “good woman” means being endlessly accommodating. And in midlife, many women reach the point where they simply can’t, and won’t, do that anymore.

Hormones, Capacity, and the Cracks Appearing

There’s also a very real biological piece to this.

Midlife is a natural cycle of change. Our hormones shift, and with that shift often comes a reduction in capacity. The ability to hold everything together the way we once did starts to falter.

In our 30s, many of us could work full-time, care for children, manage relationships, and keep all the plates spinning. In midlife, the same load can suddenly feel impossible. Headaches appear. Energy dips. Patience thins. The cracks start to show.

And rather than seeing this as failure, I believe it’s an invitation.

An invitation to listen.

What if your body isn’t betraying you; what if it’s telling you the truth?

The Gift of Being Faced With Mortality

There’s another reckoning that tends to happen in midlife.

You hit 40, 45, 50… and suddenly the maths becomes unavoidable.

Your youth is behind you.
Your child-rearing years may be ending.
You realise you’re probably more than halfway through your life.

And that awareness can be incredibly sobering.

It brings questions like:
Has this life actually made me happy?
Do I want to keep doing what I’ve always done?
If I only had five years left, would I stay where I am?

Being faced with our own mortality can feel frightening, but I think it’s also a profound gift. It sharpens our awareness of time. It asks us to get honest. And it reminds us that this one wild and precious life is not a rehearsal.

The Liminal Space: Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming

Change, of course, isn’t easy.

One of the hardest parts of midlife transition is the liminal space; that uncomfortable in-between where the old identity no longer fits, but the new one hasn’t fully formed yet.

You know what you don’t want anymore.
But you’re not yet clear on what comes next.

This is where many people get stuck. Not because they’re incapable, but because this space feels uncertain, messy, and frightening. We like certainty. We like solid ground. And midlife often offers neither.

What Snakes Can Teach Us About Change

This is where I often turn to nature for wisdom.

Snakes are masters of change. Over the course of their lives, they shed their skins again and again. Each time they outgrow the skin they’re in, they let it go — completely — and emerge renewed.

But what’s often overlooked is what happens before the shed.

Before a snake releases its old skin, it enters a phase where its vision becomes cloudy. The scales over its eyes loosen. It can’t see clearly. It becomes irritable, vulnerable, and uncomfortable.

Sound familiar?

That cloudy, unsettled phase is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It’s a necessary part of the process.

As humans, we tend to fight this stage. We tell ourselves stories:
This is too hard.
I can’t cope.
What if this doesn’t work out?

And those stories are often what keep us stuck.

When we stop fighting the shedding — when we stop pathologising the discomfort — change becomes possible.

A Midlife Awakening, Not a Crisis

We often call this a midlife crisis. I don’t think that’s accurate.

I think it’s a midlife awakening.

A reckoning that says: There are things in my life that no longer work for me. What am I going to do about it?

And while the choice is yours, you don’t have to navigate this alone.

If you’re feeling lost right now, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means something new is trying to emerge. And with the right support, this transition doesn’t have to break you; it can become the doorway into a second, more conscious chapter of your life.

If You’d Like Support

If this resonates deeply, I invite you to explore my Ending an Era workshop, where I guide you through consciously shedding old stories and identities so you can begin again with clarity and intention. Access the workshop HERE.

And if you’re based in Johannesburg, I’m also hosting an in-person weekend retreat; a chance to step out of daily life and into sacred space, where you can reflect, release, and reconnect with yourself. Find out more about that HERE.

If you’re unsure what kind of support you need, you’re very welcome to reach out and book a call with me. We can talk it through together.

Midlife is not the end of the story.
For many of us, it’s where the real story begins.

Listen to the podcast that accompanies this article HERE.