The way you handle your emotions on a day to day basis will affect how your life unfolds. Your emotional state at any given moment affects how other people respond to you, whether you get what you want from an interaction and how happy you feel.

You can likely relate to being on the receiving end of another person’s lack of emotional regulation. This might be your partner snapping at you, an impatient driver on the road, a rude sales assistant or a hangry teenager.

But what about your emotional regulation?

As I’ve done more inner work and learnt to regulate my emotional state far better, I’ve noticed other people’s responses change dramatically in a very positive way. In just the same way that shouting at someone is likely to be met with resistance, actively treating someone with kindness will likely elicit a warm response.

HeartMath coaching is focussed on teaching emotional regulation tools to help you feel happier and more in control of your emotions, resulting in a much improved life and business. When, for example, you’re able to see another person’s anger with compassion (perhaps their anger is due to a lack of sleep thanks to a poorly child) you’re less likely to react to it. Conflict is fuelled by action and reaction, take out the reaction and the conflict stops.

Here are 6 simple strategies to help you regulate your emotions:

• Take some deep slow breaths for a few minutes – I have a free resource here with a specific breathing technique – before replying to an email or reacting to something unwanted.

• Be mindful of how you’re feeling – if you’re angry or irritable, process through your emotions by journaling or calling a friend before taking said feelings into your day. Being aware of your difficult emotions is the first step to regulating them.

• Try to see a difficult situation from the other person’s point of view, perhaps there’s something stressful going on behind the scenes that caused them to snap, their behaviour may not be aimed specifically at you.

• Know that you always have a choice about how you feel.

• Calm your state of mind with a regular meditation practice, you can start with five minutes in the morning before you shower.

• Focus on a positive feeling such as gratitude or appreciation to shift your frame of mind.

The more you practice emotional regulation techniques, the more emotionally resilient you’ll become. It’s often a cumulation of small niggling things coming together that causes us to feel angry or frustrated. The less you sweat the small stuff, the less likely it is to become a big problem.

Want to know more about learning emotional regulation techniques? Check out my group coaching program. 

“When life throws difficulties at us and the mind is restless, emotional resilience will see us through the challenging time. We can work through tempestuous emotions and self doubt and come through them unharmed and avoid self sabotage and self harm.”

– Christopher Dines