Often when life goes awry or things don’t work as planned, the easiest place to begin your search for answers is externally with questions such as, ‘Whose fault is it?’, ‘Why does this keep happening to me?’ or ‘What have I done to deserve this?’.
As much as I hate to break it to you, sometimes the best place to look when life goes off piste without your permission is in the mirror.
Collating nuggets from my own experience of the journey to changing my mind, as well as bits and pieces from coaching sessions where I’ve worked on mindset challenges with clients, I present to you:
5 signs your mindset needs some attention
- Everything is going wrong
At best this might look like a plateau in your business or a rocky relationship patch, at worst this might look like a catastrophic event such as your spouse walking out or your business failing. I experienced a ‘life going wrong’ patch of epic proportions 11 years ago which involved: walking out of a relationship and the ensuing messy aftermath, getting attacked by two Rottweilers and needing plastic surgery and a petrol attendant adding an extra zero to my fuel bill (really the least of my worries) all in the space of a fortnight, it wasn’t pretty. Things going wrong is a sign that it’s time to change the way you’re showing up in life.
- Patterns are repeating in your life
If you keep experiencing the same kind of treatment in a relationship, you keep coming up against the same blocks in your professional life or you keep getting the same feedback from different people, the common denominator is you, sorry. I’d wager you’ve got some unhelpful beliefs going on that could do with being addressed.
Neil Donald Walsh sums this up perfectly in his book, Conversations with God: “My most powerful messenger is experience, and even this you ignore. Especially this you ignore. Your world would not be in its present condition were you to have simply listened to your experience. The result of your not listening to your experience is that you keep re-living it, over and over again. You will get the message. Sooner or later.”
- Triggers are everywhere
Being triggered negatively by other people’s behaviour or flying off the handle about even small inconveniences tells me that you’ve got some unmet needs going on and some inner healing, shadow work to do. Triggers are amazing teachers if you take the time to recognise them and then address what’s underneath them.
- Negative thought loops are on repeat
Worry, anxiety and fear are common mindset mishaps you’re likely familiar with. You might spend time ruminating about something that happened ten years ago or lying awake at 2am worrying about a random possible future catastrophe that’ll probably never occur. Either way, your brain power to function effectively in the present is drastically reduced by past or future tripping. The trick is to stop the rumination train before it leaves the station.
- Procrastination is your middle name
Putting off tasks you know you need to do to make progress on your goals is a sure sign there’s some fear based self sabotage going on. Ironically, this is a thought pattern that’s rooted in keeping you safe. If you don’t leave your comfort zone nothing unexpected can happen. But also, nothing interesting or exciting either. To quote the Beastie Boys when it comes to procrastination, “Listen all y’all, it’s a sabotage.”
Now that I’ve highlighted all the things in your head that need examining, let’s look at what you can do about them.
Essentially all of the above symptoms of mindset maladies occur as a result of being in your stress response: flight, fight, freeze or fawn. Once you understand why you’re stressed and then calm your nervous system down, your ability to make logical choices in life and see a different perspective other than a fear based one becomes available to you.
Slowing your breathing, a regular meditation practice, shadow work, journaling, time out in nature and exercise are all ways you can calm your nervous system down and reduce the impact an out of control mindset has on your day to day life. Whilst it might seem impossible to change habits you’ve had for a lifetime, I’m happy to tell you that with some intentional inner work, you can. Shifting your mindset permanently is ongoing work and I’ve found It’s very helpful to have a professional perspective on this from a coach or a therapist.
With that in mind (pun intended) if you’d like to talk to me about how coaching could help you get unstuck please get in touch with me here. I currently have three 6 session life coaching packages available at a very special rate for May 2023.